Tuesday, June 23, 2015

From MSC to MRS by Lucy

As I try to repent of my non blogging ways I will post something a darling Aburo of mine wrote.

And so, on this beautiful rainy Monday morning, all curled up in bed (perks of being a student ��), I decide to reply some messages that came in late last night and early hours today. Then it all happened.

I start chatting with a friend, a very dear friend, and after all the usual pleasantries, she jokingly reminds me of the "ultimatum" she'd given me, which was not to come back home single. You'd be amazed how many people have jokingly and seriously given me that ultimatum. Sometimes I wonder if there's a bureau de change here where your MSc is converted to Mrs that I do not know of (if there is, abeg send me the details).

Back to the matter, like other times, I thought this would be one of those quick 'we're waiting for for you to meet the man and join the married peoples club soon' tease and then we'd get on to other topics.
But then she pressed on.
First, I was laughing in my mind wondering "it's funny how people seem to be more worried on your behalf and you're the one consoling them".

Then she said the one hit me, and trust me, she isn't the first. I've heard all sorts:
"Lucy, is it that you're not serious?"
"I know you're being too choosy" (they "know")
"Perhaps you don't want to because you don't want the stress of being with someone" (like, "seriously????")
When I hear people say these things, my jaw literally drops. Most times I politely withdraw from the conversation and stay with my thoughts.

But as if that's not enough, they quickly add:
"What I don't understand is you're pretty, you're caring, you're friendly, you're a Christian, bla bla bla..."
And I sit quietly (of course deliberately holding myself back from blurting out rubbish) chanting "they say this because they care" in my head until the conversation is finally over.

So here's the real reason why I'm sharing this:
First, this is definitely not in anyway to spite my friend or any of my family or friends whom I've had this conversation with in the past (or will do in the future, Lol).
Second, when next you feel the need to show your3wq please convert them into private prayers. Unless you've walked a mile in a persons shoes, you'll never really know how they feel, let alone say the most appropriate things.
Thirdly, singleness is not a terminal disease. It's a beautiful phase to be enjoyed, just like marriage is a beautiful journey to enjoy. Don't make us feel we're plagued.

Life is like a box of chocolate with different shapes, sizes and taste but all together yummy.
We don't have to understand everyone's journey but we can appreciate it.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Spacing your family!

Gone are the days when people had six or seven children a year apart. With the desire for most parents to give their children the very best, smaller families are now the norm. Nevertheless, even with two or three children, most mothers will tell you that having them, especially at short intervals, can be overwhelming mentally and physically.
What exactly is the ideal amount of time to wait between children and what are the factors to be considered?
1. Your Health
When babies are born ‘back to back’, there isn’t enough time for the mother’s body and mind to recover, especially where there have been post-partum issues. However, what many do not realise is that mothers who wait too long for the next pregnancy are more likely to have preeclampsia or eclampsia. It’s advised that if one has had high risk pregnancies in the past (c-sections, high blood pressure), it may be wise to wait at least two years before trying to conceive again.
2. Baby’s Health
A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine on the ideal waiting period for the physical health of the infant suggests that parents should wait 18 to 23 months after a full-term birth before conceiving again. Where the interval between pregnancies is a few months, the incidence of having a low weight baby increases, and where it is up to 10 years, the likelihood of having a pre-term or low weight baby is also quite high.
3. Your  Career
A lady who has put her career on hold may decide to have her kids close to each other so that they can grow together, get a little independent and she can return to work.  Alternatively, a stay-at-home mum may be in no hurry to go through the child bearing years.
4. Your Support System
It’s often said that it takes ‘a village to raise a child’ and having a sound support system of family and friends could influence our decision on how to space our children. For instance, in the old days, it was common for ‘grandma’ to live with her children, so young mothers could have children one after the other knowing that ‘grandma’ would help raise them.  Nowadays, most ‘grandmas’ are so busy with their own lives and may not have as much time to help with the grandchildren. Also, securing reliable domestic help is hard. If you’re lucky to secure reliable hands to help or have a mum that is willing to stay with you, it may influence your decision on how to space your children.
5. Your Capability
The only person who knows when you are ready is you, not your mother, in-laws or your employers. When deciding to become pregnant again, a mother should access her overall physical stamina. Only a mother knows whether her body is well and strong enough to care for two or more young children at the same time.
If the interval is very close, it may feel like having twins, but if there is a range, for instance, 3 years, it will provide an opportunity for the mother to catch her breath. Personally, I enjoyed having two children under the age of two, they played with each other and it was easy taking care of them both as they had similar needs. On the other hand, now that my youngest is five, I would have to readjust if I had a baby now. Though it was tough at first, now that they are older, I am enjoying the benefits.
6. Your Finances
Raising children is not easy and the attached costs of providing for your bundle of joy can be alarming. We have heard of many fathers abandoning their spouses on learning of the delivery of multiples. As a parent, you are responsible for your child’s well being and it’s easier and more affordable to raise children when they have been adequately spaced.
7. Your Age
In the first sleep-deprived weeks after the arrival of a new baby, planning the next bundle of joy is the furthest thing on a mother’s mind. Whereas, when age isn’t on your side, the pain of labour and the cries of a new baby fade, and it may just be time to start creating another miracle.  In other cases, a woman in her twenties may decide to have babies at short intervals and spring back, while a woman who is in her late thirties may want to space things a little.
The way a woman feels about child spacing before she becomes a mother is not necessarily the way she will feel once the baby actually arrives. And no matter how carefully a mother plans the spacing of her children, Mother Nature may have other plans in store. Nursing mothers are frequently unable to conceive for the first six months of nursing, and some women don’t ovulate while breast feeding.
At the end of the day, every circumstance is unique and the decision of when to have each child is one to be agreed on by the parents involved in close consultation with their health professional

Ps: Written by me but first published in Motherhood and Style

Friday, June 19, 2015

Me and Mr...Mr Gadget

Me and  Mr. Gadget

Last year we made New Year resolutions and my then 10 year old son said “Mom yours should be to stop spending so much time on your phone” ,he was right. Like many women I was engaged in an affair; it lasted all day, starting with Instagram in the morning, whatsapp at noon, Blackberry messenger throughout the day with a sprinkle of gossip courtesy LIB and then off to bed in the loving embrace of facebook. Other women have similar relationships with good old television obsessing over Scandal or soaps on Telemundo.

The amount of time some women spend on social media and television may not be seen as a big deal until you actually do an analysis and quantify just how much time it takes up.   It is really sad that this addiction is also robbing our spouses and children of valuable quality time.  While exchanging e-mails with a man who was about to become a father, I praised him for the interest he was showing regarding preparations for where his baby would be delivered, his response… “What else can I do? My wife spends all her time reading blogs so I need to get stuff organized”. Another friend narrated how her husband got her a new phone and asked her to give up her blackberry as she never paid him any attention when she got caught up chatting, months later she uploaded the blackberry app on her new phone. Guess the joke was on him! Lol!

Seriously, apart from the seemingly harmless chats, a lot of women have actually gotten into trouble when they rekindle old flames online and start serious affairs which could ultimately ruin their marriages. Social media also has a way of creating unrealistic expectations and unhealthy competition as you may begin to envy your friend who constantly posts pictures of her and “bae” in some exotic spot or shows off her latest chanel bag. As discerning adults we should learn to discipline ourselves when we start getting a tad obsessed with our gadgets…after all they were made to help us not harm us.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

The Chronicles of a Pastor s Wife!

Many atimes we perceive the life of a Pastors wife to be one of glamour and power.We hardly see
that most times beneath it all they are just everyday women who fell in love with pastors. Sis. Amina
Chiejina first lady of Glory House Int’l Port¬Harcout gives us a peek of what its like to live the life …
of a Pastors wife.

 I never planned to be a Pastor’s wife (PW).
It wasn’t anything I even remotely desired
to be. You see I had grown up as a Clergy
man’s daughter and seeing the demands of
the Ministry made me know it was not the
life for me... or so I thought!

I had met Pastor Ikem two years back on my
very first visit to Glory House; he was the Pastor
in charge of Visitation and first timers and had
given us first timers a small welcome speech at the
reception after the service. After the reception he
came up to me with a broad smile.”Welcome Amina
“he said as he read out the name tags that we were
all given.” Hope we will see you here again”. I
nodded and quickly left to join my friend who was
waiting for me in the corner of the welcome room
I see Pastor handsome likes you she teased as I
rushed out. I laughed. Oh please Talatu. , like me
ke? Please o, me and a Pastor that will be the day!
“. You see I wasn’t the conventional “Pastor’s wife
material”, yes, I was born again and spirit filled but
I also had dreadlocks and was a very funky dresser,
anklet and all. Don’t get me wrong even when I
wasn’t born again I never never dressed “ trashy”
but nothing about me said “PW” and besides the
over “spiri” brothers were not my type.

I loved Glory House and the very next week I
signed up for membership class and yes the dashing
Pastor Ikem was my teacher. Talatu was right
Pastor Ikem liked me and even though I didn’t like
the fact that he was ‘nyamiri” and wasn’t exactly
enamoured with the idea of becoming a “Mama
Yard” I knew he was the one. He was smart, funny
and we soon became firm friends. When he asked
me to marry him I wasn’t surprised but I wasn’t
sure I could deal with it. I prayed long and hard,
asked myself several questions and after realizing
how much I did love him I said yes.

One year later we exchanged vows in front of
family and friends at my family Church in Kaduna.
My friends teased my endlessly especially Talatu
“Pastor Mrs.. How art thou? hope you will have
time for we mere mortals” she teased. “ A beg stop
that rubbish my friend ..I’m still me and IK won’t
have it any other way”. Talatu let out a fake gasp
“ ahh! Is it my pastor you’re calling IK like that”.
I knew it wouldn’t be easy being a PW but I had no
idea just how hard it would be! Suddenly I found
people expected me to be super human, I couldn’t
be anonymous, I had to always look perfect no bad
hair days allowed! At a point a friends stopped
inviting me to gatherings with the excuse that
they didn’t know I could attend non-church events.
Suddenly even going to eat grilled fish at a park
was an issue. All I kept hearing was “you can’t do
this, you can’t go here, you can’t wear that….don’t
you know you’re a pastor’s wife?” I knew there was
a price for the oil and I quickly tried to conform and
look the part. However the hardest part of being
a PW was sharing my darling Ikem with so many

How was it that out of all the hours in a week, the
hours I seemed to need him the most where when
he was “ministering” to others? Why couldn’t we
do stuff like other newly- weds did. Even going
out was a chore as some sister (why was it always
sisters) was sure to see him and try to get some
“counsel”. After a few months I found out I was
getting used to him being there for everyone but
me. I guess he felt I would understand but I didn’t.,
Why did he always have to be the hero? Couldn’t he
be more like Pastor Feranmi? Pastor Feranmi was
one of the other Pastors and unlike my husband
he knew that family time was family time. One
afternoon as I cried out to his wife sister Titi I was
surprised to discover that Pastor Feranmi wasn’t
always like that. “Pastor Feran! She exclaimed
“Ah your husband’s own is good, there was a time
for weeks on end I was only seeing Pastor early in
the morning....It’s only God o! With time he learnt
to balance Ministry and Family life and that’s
why you see me enjoying now. In spite of his busy
schedule he tries to make out time for me and the
boys. I think the wake-up call was when the boys
refused to bond with him. My dear just continue
to pray for him and be a pillar of support and with
time he will get it”.

Another aspect of being a PW was that everyone
assumed I had the answers to everything! More
than ever I had to draw strength from The Lord
Holy Spirit, how else would I know how to counsel a
woman whose cheating husband had just battered
her or a young girl dealing with her parent’s
divorce. Then there were those days when I wished
I could just sit down in the pew like everyone else.
Then as I was finally getting the hang of things we
got a call for a meeting with the GO at the HQ
in Lagos. We had no idea why Go wanted to see
us , but our curiosity didn’t last the long as five
minutes into our meeting the GO told us the very
last thing I ever wanted to hear ; we were being
transferred to Port Harcourt to start off a new
parish.... To be contd.

Ps: This story is fictional and inspired by PW Ama and others.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Josephs Story

 Recently there was a competition to write a modern version of the biblical story of Joseph. Find my entry below... let me know what you think.

“A taxi from Jibowu to Ikoyi?” the woman interrupted, reading the address. “Please, that will be too expensive. If you are not in a hurry, just wait here. My son is coming, and we are going to Obalende. From there take a bus to waterside just tell the conductor you will drop on Lugard.”
Joe was immediately worried, remembering all the horror stories he had been told about Lagos. What if this woman wants to kidnap me, he thought to himself – but then he looked at her kind and wrinkled face, and decided that she looked safe enough, and moreover, she was a fellow easterner. In the ensuing conversation, she told him that her name ‘Mama Okey’, a widow, who lived with her son, Okechukwu, an accountant at an Indian owned company. As they made small talk, they discovered that they are from the neighboring towns of Ihiala and Okija. This immediately puts Joe at ease, and before long they are chatting away like close relatives.
Ehen, Mama Okey, did you hear about Obodigwe’s kidnapping? Do you know it was a set up by his ex-wife?”
Ezi okwu?” Mama Okey retorted. “You mean it?”
They were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn’t notice the smartly-dressed young man standing beside them.
“Mama,” the man called out.
It was Okey. Mother and son embraced warmly, and as her son apologized for his delayed arrival, Mama Okey introduced him to Joe, explaining how it was Joe’s first time in Lagos and that he needs help getting to his destination. Okey’s car was one of the flashy “jeeps” Joe had only seen in those Nollywood movies, and so he was excited to jump in.
They dropped him off in Obalende, and before long Joe found a bus going to his uncle’s area.  He disembarked and walked down the street, scanning for numbers on buildings. Before long, he had arrived at No 12. Surely my uncle can’t be so rich!, he thought to himself. He had been told by his late father that Uncle Pius was a senator in Abuja, but he was shocked all the same.
As he stood outside the lavish house, Joe remembered how his uncle sent for him after his mother’s burial. Joe’s uncle and father were first cousins, and although they had drifted apart, they had been extremely close as children.
“What’s that your name again?” Uncle Pius had asked after the burial. “Ehen – Joseph… I hear you have finished your secondary school”.
Uncle Pius had then gone on to tell Joe how he had always offered to help his dearly departed cousin by helping with Joe’s training, but Joe’s mother had always refused, as Joe was her last child. Now that Joe’s parents had both passed on within the space of a year, Uncle Pius had wanted to help.
“Your mum always said you were the most brilliant of her children,” Uncle Pius had said. “How would you like to live with us in Lagos? Anyway, I’ve already spoken to your older siblings and they are okay with the idea… so since I’m going to Uyo for the Presidential Retreat, you will go straight on to Lagos. I have told my wife, and she is expecting you.”
After giving Joe his address, Uncle Pius walked away, but then turned back. With a mournful look, he said, “Your parents both meant a lot to me.”
“Yes? Can I help you?” The voice of the policeman standing outside the gate stirred Joe from his reverie.
“Yes?” the policeman repeated.
Erm… I’m here to see ‘Madam’… Mrs Atuanya. My name is Joseph Atuanya.”
“Atuanya,” the policeman grunted, “I sabi everybody for dis family… how come I no know you? Anyway, wait, make I tell them inside.”
Fifteen minutes later, Joe was ushered into the kitchen by a middle aged lady, whom he was later discover was the cook, Dora. After a few minutes, Dora told him that Madam wanted to see him in the living room.
Joseph meekly followed Dora down a corridor. She left him in the living room, where he came face to face with his uncle’s wife, Angelica. She was so beautiful… so this was his uncle’s notorious American wife? Joe mused to himself. She was actually from the island of Barbados, but as far as everyone back home was concerned, ‘Nwunye Pius’, as they called her, was an American. Her skin shone like glass, she had a slender, hourglass figure, and she had very light skin and large light brown eyes. She smiled when she saw him.
“Wow! I had no idea you were such a big boy… Pius kept on describing you as his brother’s baby.”
As she spoke, Angelica looked him up and down, and pursed her lips as she smiled.
“Welcome my dear,” she went on, “Dora will show you to your room, I’m sure you’re exhausted… so have a bath and make yourself at home.”
It was the next day that Dora explained to Joe that, as a serving senator, his uncle was actually based in Abuja and only came to Lagos every other weekend. He also had a huge house in Abuja, but decided to leave his family in Lagos to continue to run the family businesses - a car sales shop and a thriving supermarket called TRUST Cash and Carry. 
That weekend, Joe’s uncle was in Lagos and sent for him almost as soon as he arrived.
“Joe boy, welcome to Lagos. Well, like I told you back home, I have always wanted to help one of you, as your father really took care of me as a small boy during the war. I am sure that in the few days you’ve been here, you must have heard about my shop in Victoria Island. Well, I need you to work there. I know you must want to further your education but you can always do so part-time during the weekends, and stay in the shop during the week. My last manager was a fraudster, and since then, I’ve been looking for a close family member that can come in and run things there. My wife is always away, traveling to visit the children in the States. I trust you… you know blood is always thicker than water. Anyway, I’m exhausted; we will talk more at the shop tomorrow.”
In the next few weeks, Joe quickly learnt the ropes, and in fact exposed more pilfering than his uncle could ever have imagined was taking place at the store. In no time, Joe endeared himself to his uncle and his wife. Soon, the kind of profits that the supermarket had been recording before his uncle decided to go into politics, were being surpassed. 
With time, Joe’s uncle kept his promise and got him admission into Lagos State University, as a part-time student of Accounting. Life was hectic, but Joe was happy! He loved working at the supermarket, and enjoyed his studies immensely. He only had one problem – his uncle’s wife, Angelica… whom the household secretly called ‘Spreespreespree’, a nickname given to her due to her affected western twang. Joe thought the woman was weird… she would stare and smile at him for no reason and then call him ‘Joey Baby’. Once, he could even have sworn she touched his bottom, but then he thought it must have been a mistake.
With the passage of time, Joe got very close to other members of the household - namely Dora the cook/cleaner, Ifiok and Danjuma the mobile policemen (‘Mopol’), Bennett the driver, and ‘Baba Pam’, who doubled as laundry man and gardener. Of all of them, he shared the closest bond with Dora. One evening, he and Dora sat outside the kitchen eating some suya that one of the Mopol had bought them.
As the gate opened, a sleek Honda drove into the premises. Madam was home. Joe got up to greet her and brief her on some developments at the store. As soon as he stood up, Dora grabbed him.

“Be careful,” Dora whispered.
Joe looked at her in confusion.
“Yes, Joe, you heard me - be careful,” she repeated. “I have seen how Madam looks at you. Why do you think all Oga’s staff are old-old men… be careful. You’re her in-law, but a bad woman is a bad woman.” 
Joe shook his head and released himself from her grasp. What is Dora on about? he wondered.
He walked straight to Angelica’s room and knocked on the door. In that household, even her driver had free access to the house, so entering her room was nothing strange, but today was different.
As soon as Angelica told him to enter, she asked him to close the door.
“Joey boy… so how’s the supermarket doing? Anyway, I trust you….”
As she sat down, Joe noticed that her nightie was transparent. He did a double take and then looked away in embarrassment. She noticed the movement of his eyes and smiled.
“Come on, Joe,” she said softly, “come and sit by me, you know your uncle is always away, and I get so lonely at times.”
As she spoke, Angelica took Joe’s left hand and slipped it under her nightie, and in another swift movement started fiddling with his trousers.
“No!” Joseph drew away from her sharply, “Aunty, what are you doing?” he screamed.
“Aunty! Open this door or I will start shouting here, o! Aunty!!” 
The next thing Joseph felt was a hot slap across his face.
“Will you shut the hell up!” Angelica exclaimed. “Wow, you’re more stupid than I thought, and I’m gonna make sure you pay for turning me down!”
With that, she opened the door and pushed him out. Joseph knew he was in a lot of trouble.
The next morning Joseph hurried to the shop without saying a word to anyone, and when he got back he was shocked to see one of his Uncle’s orderly’s by the gate. His Uncle was sitting outside in the gazebo and was clearly upset.
“JOSEPH! His Uncle screamed. Joseph ran to greet him.
“Daddy nno, how was your journey Sir..”
“Mopol” his uncle called and beckoned to the two Mopol , “teach this idiot a lesson and when your done with him take him down to cell, Next time he will think twice before messing with me”.
Joseph woke up the next morning with a severe headache, the last thing he remembered before he passed out was being beaten with a metal rod. He knew his Uncle’s wife had told her husband something but it wasn’t until he overheard two officers discussing outside the cell that he knew the details.
“ Do not mind the useless boy, e dey steal millions from Senators business , na the wife catch am red handed!”

Monday, August 06, 2012


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Theres a great review on some products created by yours truly. Check them out on.


Monday, March 05, 2012

The Journey

“I’m Pregnant!” she announces triumphantly, and everyone rejoices. She goes to ante-natal classes to prepare for the birthing process... yet nothing and no one can prepare a woman for what will turn out to be a journey of a lifetime… the journey called parenting.
I remember when I had my first child, it was surreal. I couldn’t believe that the baby lying on my chest was mine, my baby, my son, my child! I was a mother and I although I was excited, I was also a bit confused, and to be honest a little scared. I wondered what kind of mother I would be to my child.
I had decided before my first baby’s arrival that I would breastfeed him, so I was quite frustrated when my baby wasn’t latching on. At a point, my younger sister who had come to help out took him from me and bottle-fed him. “This breastfeeding thing is too painful jare”, she complained. I didn’t care about the pain, and later on with lots of determination and the help of a lactation consultant, I was able to breastfeed successfully.
I think the first time I came to the full realization of my new status as a mum was when my cousin came calling. My son was barely a week old, and I left him with her while I went to take a bath. Almost as soon as I stepped into the bathtub, I heard his cries and then my cousin’s voice saying, “Mummy is coming, okay? Your Mummy will be back soon.” Listening to my cousin as she tried to soothe him, it occurred to me, “Wow, his Mummy… I’m his Mummy... I am responsible for his nurturing and care. God has given him to me to look after.” Wow… the revelation of that hit me like a thunderbolt! I knew it was a task I would never take lightly.
I soon realized that being a parent, though a natural occurrence, was also something that had to be learnt. I could decide to take each day as it came, or in addition be purposeful and mindful of the role I had to play in the life of my child. As I was enjoying the privilege of being a mum and getting to know my son, he was soon joined by another brother and a sister. I remember my husband’s despair at learning I was pregnant so soon after the birth of our first. “Oh no! I am so in love with my son; do we have any love in our hearts for another child?” The answer came as our second and third children arrived. We both soon realized that the answer to that question was a resounding “Yes!” Somehow, God gives you a heart large enough to love whatever number of children one is blessed to have.
Another thing I realized as I had more children was how uniquely different each child is, and how parenting isn’t just about schools, scolding and spending money on your child. A lot of parents equate love with spending a ton of money on their children, but this should not be so. While you can’t love without giving, you can give without loving. Ask any child and they will tell you that they would rather have their mum and dad than any gift in the world.
While you can’t afford to show bias towards any child, it’s important to know that while Tolu enjoys reading, Tayo may be more athletic. It’s important to learn each child’s personality traits and carefully use wisdom to handle each child’s peculiarities. In this way, it becomes easier for the parents to encourage and nurture each child in the path that God has drawn out for him or her.
Even though I’m a mum, I believe that a father’s role is just as important as that of a mum. Many fathers have erroneously handed over the parenting portfolio to their wives, believing that their role is only to be breadwinners. The absence or presence of a father may be the difference between becoming an inspirational figure like Oprah Winfrey, or ending up a nameless drug addict on the backstreets of nowhere. Oprah has often acknowledged her father’s strong role in getting her on the right path in life and preventing her from becoming another cautionary tale. In fact, statistics have shown that children who are raised without fathers are more likely to end up as criminals than children raised by both parents.
While a mum is often the one that cuddles and nurtures, a father is equally important to provide security and guidance to the child. In fact, nowadays mothers and father play interchangeable roles, in that although the father may be the primary breadwinner; Mummy may be involved in bringing home the bacon too. Likewise, it’s not uncommon to see many modern fathers changing diapers, in order to give mothers time to do other things. While mothers may spend more time with their children, it’s often fathers that have the time and energy to engage in the kind of boisterous play that young children love.
Nothing can be compared to the warm embrace of a father who loves you, and words of affirmation from an adoring mother. One thing that has helped me personally in my journey as a parent, has been looking back at my childhood, and reflecting on what I loved about it, as well as the things made me miserable. If your parents forced you to study medicine, which you absolutely loathe, why are you now forcing your son who loves music to join the karate club? Or forcing your daughter who prefers science to study law? Who knows, if her interests are nurtured and encouraged, she may end up being the first Nigerian astronaut, or she may even invent the cure for cancer. Let’s buckle up as we embark on this journey called parenthood... for there are no stops on this journey of a lifetime.